Why We Don't Use the F-word in My Classroom

"Faggot" is among many words students in my classroom are not permitted to use. Variations such as "faggy," "fagbag," and "fruit" are similarly banned. Further, I do not allow my students to say things such as "That is so gay." Though originally a difficult rule to implement, students are now better at monitoring what comes out of their mouths.

But why? Why aren't my students allowed to use these words?

This "why" question is what we frequently neglect to explain to students. We tell them that they shouldn't say things. We lay out the consequences for saying those things (apologies, letters explaining that what they said is wrong, push-ups, etc.). We tell them how they should speak and what they should say. 

But more often than not, we forget to tell them why they shouldn't say them. And when I say we forget to tell them why, I mean that "because it's wrong" isn't sufficient. "Because it hurts people's feelings" isn't quite enough. Students — especially high schoolers, who are already so set in their views of the world, who are defensive of their choices of speech and skeptical of adults' comments on what they should or should not do — students need reasons. They need rationales and those rationales need to be ones they can connect with.

This is not an issue which exclusively affects teenagers. A couple months ago, I was asked by an adult why "This is so gay" and "That's retarded" were not acceptable phrases. These questions were in no way malicious and did not stem from the defensiveness that many of my students express when I attempt to cull their inappropriate language; this was a genuine inquiry.

And I — surprised by this question, and even more surprised by the fact that it came from an adult — simply stuttered, "Because it's offensive."

"But why is it offensive?" the woman asked me. "What's wrong with it?"

"It just is," I said, knowing full well that my response was insufficient. 

So then I thought about it. Why are these things offensive? What makes them "wrong"? Why are they hurtful to others? 

To begin, I considered why it would be hurtful to call someone something true. (How many teachers have had students say, "It's okay, Ms. _________, he is faggy"?) We are not hurt or insulted when someone calls us "tall," when they label us "smart," or "brunette." Nobody is hurt when someone calls them "kind." So why are words — words like "retarded," "gay," and "faggot" unacceptable?

So then I began to think about intent. If the intent is malicious, the comments are hurtful. When people label someone "smart" or "brunette" — and certainly when one labels someone "kind" — the intent is not cruel; in fact, it's generally the opposite. And so the intent has a significant role in why certain words are impermissible. 

But we don't ban intent. And perhaps part of that stems from the fact that you can't censor intent — someone could just as well say they "meant well" by their comment — but I think it is more than that. And as I thought about it, I finally arrived at an answer. I finally realized why my students are not allowed to say the f-word in my classroom.

Because it implies that those things are wrong.

What I mean by that is that calling someone a "faggot" (or any derivative) implies that being gay is in some way unacceptable. It suggests that being gay makes you less than your neighbors. And following this same logic, "retarded" is considered unacceptable because it insinuates that to be handicapped or disabled is also to be less than those around you.

And so that is the conversation we are having here; that is why we don't use the f-word(s) in my classroom.

For more articles on this topic, see this open letter, Bilerico article, and response video.