I F*cked Up (Thank Goodness for AP Psych)

I f*cked up today and all I could think of was the time I read the wrong chapter a decade ago.

When I was 15, I took AP Psychology online, through the University of Missouri. Despite my love of psychology, it was a miserable class that I suffered through for a few months. That said, I learned an invaluable lesson that had plenty to do with psychology and nothing to do with what I learned in class.

A few weeks into the class, I was averaging a 2.0 GPA (C), the lowest average grade of my entire academic career, before and after. I had done well on our weekly quizzes and my writing assignments averaged in the A to A+ realm, which was helping prop up my GPA after I earned a C- on our first exam. In my eyes --and, in many ways, the eyes of my parents-- this class was highlighting my greatest fear: that I was inept, a failure.

The week after my ego-trashing exam, I read the wrong chapter. Every week, we read a chapter from our psychology textbook and then took a quiz online. We had been working our way through the textbook, chapter after chapter, so I had assumed that the chapter for Week 4 would be Chapter 4. It was only when I logged into my account to take the week's quiz that I realized that the class skipped a chapter and that the quiz was on Chapter 5.

Remember those fears? Well, I have never been more certain that I was an absolute failure than I was at that moment.

Because the quiz was online and not in a classroom, it didn't have a specific set time but rather a 3-hour window in which to complete the quiz once it had been started. I closed the laptop. I cried. I may or may not have screamed into my pillow. And then I got to work.

Perhaps my greatest strength academically and professionally --and my greatest weakness in my social interactions-- is my ability to think through problems (almost exclusively) logically. So, after I'd convinced myself that this was rock bottom and could not get any worse, I accepted my brain's logical calculation.

Problem = Read wrong chapter & need to take quiz in the next few hours.
Solution = Quickly read the correct chapter, take notes, and take the quiz.

I lay down on my bed and ripped open my textbook. My comforter, which had been launched onto the floor in the midst of my failure-freak-out remained there; I was convinced that I did not deserve the comfort of the blanket.

I started reading the chapter, word-for-word, but realized 30 minutes and 10 pages later (with another 25 pages to go) that there was no way I would be able to read, highlight, annotate, and still finish my quiz before the timer ran out. I chucked my pencils onto the comforter, gripped my highlighter, and began skim-reading. I read the first and last sentences of each paragraph, highlighted key ideas, and plowed through the remaining pages. When I was done, I took the quiz. Since the quiz was multiple choice, it scored itself automatically at the end.

I got a B+.

So what does this have to do with a Middle School English teacher's f*ck-up 10 years later?

I've been presenting at education conferences this month. Two weeks ago, I presented at a round-table discussion on social-emotional learning at the annual AMLE (Association for Middle Level Education) Conference. I created a slideshow with Menti surveys and interactive activities. It was awesome.

Last week, I moderated a room at my school's colloquium on Authentic Assessment. My anxiety skyrocketed and almost left me wordless --a story for another time-- but ultimately, it went well.

Today, I am presenting at the annual NCTE (National Council of Teachers of English) conference. I spent 3 hours at the airport, on my way back from AMLE, creating a beautiful, detailed, interactive slideshow on technology in the classroom. When I got to work that Monday, I printed and laminated examples conference attendees would be able to interact with. I was ready.

Well, I thought so, anyway.

This morning, I woke up, anxious about my presentation. In hopes of calming my nerves, I opened the NCTE app and pulled up my session.

"N.49-2", it read, a subheading underneath "N Poster Sessions."

Poster...sessions?

I had gotten my conferences mixed up. It was 7:30 AM and I was certain that I was screwed.

I cried. I threw open my laptop, looked at my beautiful slideshow, and cried. And then I thought about AP Psych.

Problem = Made wrong type of presentation
Solution = Convert it into a poster and find a store that can print it in the next three hours

Walgreens's 1-hour printing saves the day

I dropped into the end-stool at my kitchen island, opened up Canva, and got started. 10 minutes in, I decided this was not the best way to go about it, so I closed Canva and opened up Google Slides. Around 9 AM, my poster was done. It was time to find someplace that could print it.

I looked at Staples. They did not have an in-store pick-up option for posters and would be able to ship a poster to me in three days. I pulled up Office Depot's website and found the same thing. Now frantic, I searched "same-day poster printing" and ended up at the Walgreens one town over.

Now, here I am at NCTE. I've got my poster, my laptop, and my handouts. I am ready.

The takeaway? Thank goodness for high school f*ck-ups. Those are the things that really prepare you for the real world.